A little over two years ago, my health took a very unexpected turn. I had just weaned my youngest and within two weeks my body started responding in various ways. I was “hit by a truck” tired, nauseous, every joint in my body hurt, and I was suddenly suffering from panic attacks. I had suffered from what I refer to as situational anxiety in the past, i.e. anxious in a car after a car accident, anxious about a presentation at work, anxious about my children when they were sick, etc. but this was totally different. It became tough to determine what level of anxiety was a symptom and what was driven by the sudden onset of all of these symptoms and uncertainty of what it all meant. The only thing I knew for certain is it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life, yet writing about it now I realize how much strength and empathy I gained as a result.
My initial thinking was that my symptoms were a direct result of the hormonal changes I was experiencing from weaning my son. Research indicates that more than 6% of pregnant woman and 10% of woman postpartum will suffer from Postpartum Anxiety, yet very little research exists related to the connection of post weaning anxiety rates. I was 18 months postpartum, could this really be all hormone related? A side note, the internet is NOT your friend, especially if you are suffering from anxiety, so try to stay away from Googling your symptoms. I know easier said than done. Anyway, what I realized in these first few weeks is that that I had suffered from Postpartum Anxiety with my two other children; however, it occurred much closer to their birth and I was fortunate that it did not last very long. I never realized what it was at the time because while I was on the look out for the Postpartum Depression (PPD) symptoms my doctor warned me about, I was not on the look out for anxiety symptoms. I absolutely believe there was a connection between the post weaning hormonal changes and this sudden onset of symptoms, yet after a few more weeks I realized that there was more going on and that I needed to seek some help to navigate what was happening.
I saw several specialists over the next few weeks…physical therapist, gastroenterologist, rheumatologist, orthopedist to name a few. What I realized each of these specialist had in common, all very good practitioners by the way, was that they were only focused on what would fix the symptoms I had related to their specialty. It was not coincidental that all of these symptoms appeared at the same time, yet no one was looking at the full picture and trying to tie all of the pieces together. What I reluctantly realized was that I needed help navigating my anxiety over what was happening, and that despite the amazing support network of family and friends, I needed more.
So, I went to a therapist for the first time since my mother had passed away, and I have to tell you, it was the best thing I could have done for me. I am a very logical, creative problem solver, so naturally what I was trying to do was decipher my symptoms and determine the logical root cause. While this approach can be helpful, it can also be distracting toward making progress. What going to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offered me was an outlet, a resource, and a wellness cop. You see, I had been placing the well being and health of others above my own for years, and what Sally offered me was a wake up call. She challenged my thinking, offered me tools, and held me accountable to prioritizing my needs first. As mothers, isn’t it our natural instinct to place our children’s needs above our own? Even when we are not feeling our best, we pull up our big girl pants and just get things done. What Sally helped me see was the negative impact that approach was having on my overall well being.
After months of tests and more tests, that thankfully came back negative for some very scary autoimmune diseases, I received a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. According to the Mayo Clinic “Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.” Ok, so now I had an answer, but the main treatment recommendation is medications, which all run the risk of increasing the risk of suicidal thoughts and tendencies. While I am very fortunate that I have never had these thoughts, I am hypersensitive to these warnings given my mother’s history and so it was a hard NO from me on taking these medications. So now what? Armed with the what was causing my symptoms I began my how to tackle it without the use of these medications. It is important to say that while these medications were not the right choice for me I am in no way saying they are not helpful, or that you shouldn’t take them. Only you and your physician know what is right for you, I am just sharing my path and why these medications were not an option for me.
What was also not the right path for me was to succumb to my symptoms. So, I got to work researching for practitioners that could help me. I found an integrative medicine practice, a healing-oriented practice that focuses on the whole body, and the Physician Assistant that I worked with was AMAZING! We ran some additional tests, and she developed a PLAN that was unique and specific to me and my body. This plan was focused on a total health approach and included physical activity, dietary changes, herbal and vitamin supplements, and mindfulness practices. I was severely deficient in some crucial vitamins and minerals (magnesium, vitamin D, Vitamin B, Zinc, and Iron to name a few) and my body was not absorbing nutrients from my food. These deficiencies can cause many of the symptoms I was experiencing, including anxiety and so in order to resolve my symptoms I needed to start by first healing my gut and rebuilding these deficiencies. Most importantly I had found a partner in my health through this practice, and with her guidance and support we were able to get my body working well again. Below I share the the 7 Steps I used to becoming a Victress of my health.
7 Steps to becoming a Victress of your own Health
- Don’t give up on finding answers. Be patient. It took months for me to find answers. Only you know your body and what is “normal,” if you feel that something is not right push for answers.
- Determine what is right for you. For me this meant attempting a path that did not include medicines. Know what your goals are so you feel confident in pushing your physician for other options.
- Prioritize your health. Make appointments, follow up, keep pursuing questions until you have answers. Ignoring the symptoms will not make things go away in fact it could make things worse. These processes can take time, but you are worth it!
- Know your limits. Listen to your body. If your body is throwing you signs that it needs a break, TAKE A BREAK!
- Hold yourself accountable. Do the work. Fixing the problem takes persistence and dedication to yourself.
- Ask for help! There is no shame in realizing that despite being a complete badass, to become a Victress you need support.
- Evaluate your progress. No matter what your “plan” is make sure it is working. Please don’t be so focused on your plan that you blindly continue despite not making progress. For me, if my non-medication plan had failed to help me, you bet your ass I would have been back in that office and re-evaluating the medications.
Each of these steps were critical to helping me feel like myself again. For those of you who know me, you know that I don’t slow down very often, but during this period of healing I was forced to slow down. I realized that I had been going nonstop for years, and it had all taken a toll on my body. There is a great book that I read as part of my graduate work that put this into perspective. Its a quick read that I highly recommend (I will include the link below). The core idea is that if you continue to give from your “bucket” eventually you will have an empty “bucket” and you will be in a poor position to support yourself or others. If you adjust your focus to filling your “bucket” first, eventually your “bucket” will overflow and you will start filling the “buckets” of others while maintaining your full “bucket” too.
Know your limits, listen to your body, and ask for help!